Morgan Brittney 1994

My Soul’s journey to healing my Endometriosis.

 Hey guys I’m Morgan Brittney, I want to share my story, not only my story but my heart, to know pain on any level changes a person. My endometriosis was my gateway home, my gateway to my soul and the key to knowing god.

This is my testimony to the one lord, the one god and the one Christo Consciousness that we all share.

I think the hardest part about life is true acceptance, the acceptance that life will hurt, that you will lose things and individuals you love with all of your being. That you will feel pain, may it be physical, mental stress or emotional pain, we automatically reject it as if its existence is a mistake that needs to be corrected. 

This is the mind set I had before my own awaking, before getting to know myself and before knowing Gods unconditional beautiful, powerful, healing love. 

I grew up in a middle class type family, my mother was the hard worker of the family and my father always did as little as possible. I had two sisters and we lived a normal life, we had a good childhood. My mother was not a loving, encouraging, compassionate type of mother, she had her own issues growing up and as I have healed, I can see and understand all her inner pains and why she was that way. I had issue speaking and couldn’t talk til I was about 6-7 years old and continued with speech and language therapy all though-out high school. 

Though out my healing journey I have discovered through subconscious meditation and soul retrieval that when I was a baby I cried out and someone blocked my screams with their hand and eventually I just stopped crying out. 

My health issues started at age 10, I had my first surgery to remove my Spleen, it was an emergency surgery as the doctors could never find a cause to why the organ wrapped its veins around itself cutting off blood and killing itself. The doctors prescribed penicillin twice a day for the rest of my life. My mother knew nothing about health and so I started suffering and catching colds and because I had no immune system, I ended up in the hospital 3 different times with pneumonia by the time I was 17. 

About a year after my spleen removal I had my appendix removed. At age 14 my parents got a divorce and it hit me more then my siblings and I became very angry going in to my teenage years. The divorce became very toxic and my mother filled our heads with lies about my father… could he of done more for the relationship yeah sure but he was a good father and she tainted his name and image. Not having a  father figure and a mother who worked all the time and forced us in to a new house with a strange men she met in a bar. I rebelled, I started drinking at age 15 and became an alcoholic. I would drink all the time from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, I drink at school and would do anything to numb the burning rage I felt inside. I had no idea how I was suppose to process emotions, not to mention the toxic environment I  had to live in with this stranger who would say and do the most inappropriate things… I continued drinking….

I always thought it was strange that I couldn’t remember my childhood, I remembered bits and pieces but I couldn’t remember living it, being a child and always blamed the drinking for not remembering.

By the time I was 19 years old I saved enough money for a car and apartment and moved out on my own, I was working as CNA at the time, I started to work on myself and learn about holistic health. I stopped drinking and stopped taking the penicillin. I started using herbs to build my immune system and I started to get strong, I wasn’t as tried and my skin even looked brighter. 

At age 21, I met my ex, he had a huge part to play not only in my life but in my evolution and understanding the minds and behavior of others. We were together for 7 years and being with him has made me grown in ways I never thought, he’s a caring and sensitive person and helped me grow and heal from a family that was toxic, i allowed myself to be feminine, to be loved and to be held. 

David is an Entrepreneur and has built some amazing companies, the one company I got to watch him build was direct cellars. 

This was just around the time when I started getting nausea pretty bad and started having pains, this was also around the time my Ex’s, company started to take off and he was getting very busy going to wine events and supporting the company. I never noticed how insecure I felt because I knew I had a pretty face but to actually feel confident is a whole another game. To feel and look sexy are concepts that are drilled in to young girls heads and self image to then making individuals feel like they are not enough for the worlds standards. I hid behind my hair and clothes, I would have such bad anxiety from my own looks to being with an older men and having older women throw themselves at him was something I never dealt with before and was a whole new reality. I started judging a lot, I noticed I had to be “dressed” all the time or I would feel like I wasn’t enough. I had such bad OCD about the house being clean and even myself being clean. I had this bad habit of always having to shave my legs or I wouldn’t  feel “complete”. I started having even more pain and eventually became bedridden due to the pain. I had no option and had a surgery to see if it was endometriosis and it was. Theres no cure and the only way to determine if one has endometriosis is surgery, the doctor removed what he could and I was sent home. The pain came back after 6 months and with each month and period cycle I got worse…. I started noticing all these unconscious habits I would do to self soothe my own insecurities and inner pains. I remember I was getting rid of some old clothes and noticed how hard it felt internally.. to let the clothes go, even tho I didn’t need or want them it felt wrong to donate the clothes… I started questioning these feelings and the person I was and the first memory that came to mind was me being 6 years old and I had this tweety bird bathing suit I absolutely loved!! I would wear it all the time, I remember feeling so good in it, almost like a super hero lol I was happy… My mother thought it was unhealthy for me to wear the bathing suite all the time so when I was taking a bath, she got my bathing suite and cut it up in front of me and threw it in the trash…I cried for that precious little girl who didn’t understand what she did wrong for her mother to destroy something that meant so much to her… We all hold such pains inside, may it be a child hood wound to a trauma you thought you would never move on from… We all are hurting a lot more then we are even aware of and this is where my journey truly started.. 

I learned about the mind, the subconscious and about energies and I think that was the connection that sky rocketed my own evolution. Energy is the foundation for creation, now it is truly about understanding which energies we are willingly holding on to and which energies we are creating. I saw the connection to how I felt to having the dis-ease and how I created it by holding on to such ugly nasty painful memories, I didn’t want to accept what happened to me as a child, I didn’t want to accept the pain and confusion my parents caused me and I didn’t want to accept that I had this disease and painful reality, I didn’t want to be the sick girl anymore and so I faced everything that was inside of me.. I faced my painful traumas, I faced the shame and rejection I felt, I faced the fact that I had been a nasty, mean, terrible person and as I did I saw the innocence I had, the pure heart of a little girl who was hurt and I prayed for her.. I cried for her and I called her home with god, with love and with acceptance that she was beautiful and perfect and a child of God and God alone is what healed me. Now I just share what I did to reconnect with my Souls Consciousness, with god and with the powerful truth that reality can change with a change of heart…

May we always remember, how pure and innocent we all truly are, love forever the holy Spirt.

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I never thought I would uncover everything I have as I healed but I thank god and pray daily now, I fall in love with the sun, with the wind and when I see a bird fly above I know it’s my god saying good job my child I’m still here… And as I have continued with my own evolution and reality I’ve been creating with god, I will always know who I am and will show the world real love but also real power and to see an empowered women scares men but I’m done hiding, not even death can touch me now. 

I know where my love and peace can always be found, within the silence of creation, within the breath, and within ourselves as god always is. 

May we all find peace, love, abundance and joy in this journey and soul mission we are all apart of to heal Mother Earth and ourselves.

Love Always Morgan Brittney Poulsen….