Healing my Ego, Healed my disease, Endometriosis.

Healing my ego, healed my disease,

Endometriosis.

it’s okay to be human and feel these things, may it be negative feelings or actually pains....you are awaking to the truth of reality that itis liquid and energetic and you feel it all from within..

We live inside ourselves, in our minds, body and souls.

we interact with the outside world.

If it’s not beautiful inside, it won’t be on the outside and I know that’s one of the hardest things to understand let alone feel when you didn’t have a strong family bond, when you didn’t have the loving supportive mother, father or siblings...

That’s one thing we can’t deny, with spirituality and life as well is that there are somethings that just kind of hurt and there are those moment that hurt so bad, that cut so deep,  it hits you straight to the core of your being,

that it makes time stop.. that there’s such a rush of emotional/ energies that you are stunned 😳...

But.

 is it. not the same .....

when the beauty of life does the same.. 

when you see the love of a mother holding her child for the first time.. to seeing children play and learning to walk.. to puppies 🐶... 

life is so beautiful..✨

but it is also 

messy, ugly and painful... 

There’s never not been a choice but to experience both.. may your life have been so wonderful but never truly felt loved to having a disaster of a life knowing God has you, that you are so loved and supported..

There is always a balance because that’s just the way existences goes..

We can get in to the different realities, dimensions, frequencies and vibrations but all the information in the universe won’t help you if you don’t understand the ultimate power is within, 

from YOUR WILL POWER.. to stand in the burning hurt of pain, emotional or physical.

And to give love. ❤️ to allow and to not judge.

Will power is not talked about enough and it’s a shame because that’s where we get everything our motivation, our desire, and our life force energies to live a life of love. 

Your will power is what will help you heal..

Create the life you want and live joyfully.

There is such a thing as weakness but it’s looked upon all wrong as everything else in the world is..🌎

weakness just means room to grow.. the breeding grounds for courage, strength, adversity and pleasure, does it not feel so amazing, so freaking dang amazing when you finally get it!! 

When you can finally lift that weight, when you can finally hold your head high, when you made it...

It’s the whole... it’s not just about the success but the whole of the struggles that created a great story... that’s one thing that no one can take away from you, your strength is yours to hold, to wheeled, and to use to fight for the things you believe in.. 

I have a story and it made the beautiful strong healthy women you see today but I wasn’t always like this and that’s my point to covey is to stop coving your scars like I use to.. 

take them and put them front and center and dive in to them, you will be amazed as I were at the power and capability you have from within to love, heal and live the life you want, creating the realities that please you, to know where your going because you know where you have been...

To have the power to stand tall, strong and say no.. 

no I will not live a life of fear.. 

no I will not allow that.. 

to have the boundaries and the self love and the self knowledge to know you deserve to have what your heart desires but it will cost you, your personality, your perspectives, your beliefs and your judgments... 

There’s always defining moments in our lives and one of those moments for me was when I was so sick, In pain and wanting to die, I never imagined how ones body could turn on them so much that it cripples them to the ground... 

So I did what everyone does when they are ready to give up.. I started praying and pleading to our lord, to god, to whatever you want to call the higher power that connects us and everything else..

Before this I was not spiritual. I believed in a god but rarely prayed and wasn’t in gratitude for life. I was selfish.

I actually heard something.. 

first I felt it.. 

all of a sudden the pain subsided for just a small second and I felt a calmness, I felt a grace of something over fill my body and then I heard Jesus’s, Buddha, Mary all of the divine beings voices in one voice represented as Jesus’s masculine energies.. 

And it said ..

child it’s okay, and I cried a cry I never thought possible.. to be such in a depth of pain and tears, to feel so helpless to just lay it all out, I surrendered to it... 

I allowed it to hurt and it consumed me..

That’s when I had my first vision of a past life.. we can say it was a pat life, we can say it was karma, we can say it was my ancestors.. it doesn’t matter the exact individual and that’s the point with spirituality is we are learning so much more then what we think.. we are learning to feel and connect with our mental and emotional bodies in a way that we never have before and it’s going to be painful.. we are awaking from a slumber... we are fighting for our lives , our family’s and our loved ones and is that not worth every pain, fearful tear and battle we must face within or outside?? 

So I allowed the pain to show me what needed to be seen.. the raping of a Native American mother and her two daughters...

We have deep scars to honor, to see and to feel so we can learn from their lessons and experiences... 

I was not a compassionate person, I had very hard beliefs based on how I was raised. I was racist and I was very insecure 😕 I was unsure of who I was, yeah I had a pretty face but that didn’t help me “feel” confident, sexy, good enough....that didn’t make me feel loved or honored and it certainly didn’t make me healthy, I was sick angry and miserable... I judged constantly and honestly thought I was better then most.. I saw people as stupid, useless and untrustworthy, lazy and got what they deserved...

And it took that experience for me to change and feel the pains of not only myself but the pains of my past life, my ancestors and the cruelty of the world for me to start forgiving, to start letting things go and to start seeing and understanding that terrible things happen and sometimes there’s nothing to do but to feel it and cry it out...

It took that experience for me to awaken to the truth of reality that everything is a reflection from within, that everything is energetic and from that experience on I was free.. I haven’t needed pain medicine since that vision.. and if I do have pains it’s an opportunity to connect, I have learned to connect with the breath consciously and move the energies for healings of past lives, that darkness, that energy was finally felt and was allowed to be seen.. was allowed to be felt, it was free and so was I...

after that I started questioning everything and my first question was what determines healthy cells??? What does determine if one person gets better and one dies?? What determines reality and it turned out it’s all frequency based.... after that experience I turned in to a hippie holistic, energy is everything, freak lol 😂 

but 

I’m healthy!! I can work out, I can take showers and I can eat delicious healthy foods without throwing up and it all started with learning the charka systems and the characteristics associated with each energy vortex and learning and feeling within my self, my beliefs and being completely honest with how I felt about who I was and how I thought of others.

Learning and seeing where I was unbalanced and from there I started reprogramming my mind with beautiful thoughts, beliefs and that everyone is a child of god,  I allowed myself to believe in fairies, angels, magic and goodness again...

I held my inner little girl and told her how precious, loved, supported and how I forgive her for everything, loving her just as she is and letting her cry when she needed to, letting her hit pillows when she’s angry and letting her cry while I hold her.

To love ourselves, the way our inner child should have been loved and cared for.

🙌🙌💖💖🙏🙏 

I allowed...my self to be kind, loving and forgiving.

I stoped acknowledge the hatred and saw it for what it was, a child of light in pain and in sickness because I was that MONSTER when I was sick and angry. 

Forgive us,  as we forgive those who trespass against us.. but have the boundaries to know what’s right and wrong.

Spirituality is about having a better reality and it starts within forgiving ourselves and forgiving others, for they don’t know what they do as I didn’t know what I was doing when I was causing pain and hatred.

We are the fallen angels and we are the enlightened ones awakening in human forms to the chaos and the beauty of creation, learning to ascend and regrow our wings together, as a family and as a whole.

Healing the earth and our ancestors as we heal ourselves...

🙏